Entries from August 1, 2009 - September 1, 2009
Origionally Published Jan 25, 2008
Fifty is approaching. So much in my life is starting to change. My main occupation for the last 20 years has been as an at home mom. I am really good at my job. However, that job is gradually being outsourced to the very children I have been raising all these years. Six more years and I will be done. There will be some parenting of semi-adults left to do. Parenting semi-adults is not the same as raising children. At least it’s not as time and labor intensive.
These last 20 years have been like a first cup of coffee. It wakes you up, it’s the start of the day, time to hit the ground running and get stuff done. I really enjoy that first cup of coffee in the morning.
It is getting to be time for that second cup of coffee. I hope to savor this cup more. There is still a lot to do, but this time, what I do will be more of my own choosing.
Parenthood has been a great adventure. There is something amazing about having the time to be actively involved is my children’s lives. It is a privilege, and I have enjoyed this opportunity.
Not that I haven’t wondered what life would be like if my husband and I had made different choices. If I had remained in the work force we would have more savings for retirement, for college, for travel, for donating. I could continue in my chosen career instead of starting out again in my 50’s. Sure of how good that first cup of coffee was, with very little changing I would be assured of the pleasure of my second cup.
For a short while I thought I had wasted my life by remaining at home instead perusing a career. I came to realize I had doubted my past decisions because the ones I am starting to make now are little leaps of faith, the potential for making a mistake rides along side the potential for continued purpose and joy in life.
One reason I was confident in my decision to be an at home parent is I am not the one who brews the coffee I so enjoy in life. Being a believer in Jesus means I have His assurance of an overflowing cup of His love and His plan for my life, even with some of the hardships Dave and I have endured together while raising our family. His plan has been one for our good.
It is time to start planning to have that second cup of life. I know the Master Brewer. Sometimes He has poured bitterness and hardship into my cup of life, but not often, and never more than I have been able to swallow with heaping spoonfuls of His grace and mercy.
Not being an at home mom means my future is no longer settled. It is time for change. Change in life is either scary, or an adventure, or a little of both. I’m planning to enjoy my second cup.
The trees are trying to eat me. I love them, but after a year and a half in the Mojave desert, the sheer amount of life seems almost violent. It's fascinating how quickly we adjust. I spent 19 years of my life in this town, playing beneath these trees. I've spent less than two in the burnt beauty of the Mojave. Yet I'm here now and it is this that seems foreign. And it's not just the greenery that's different. It's been a solid year since I last drank sweet tea, ate Bojangles or watched it rain. Not even my friends and family are safe. They are getting larger, getting married, making babies. Adulthood is encroaching.
You go back to your home town and you can't help trying to relive the past. But you can't. The Three a.m. runs and all night halo parties don't hold the same charm. I am tired. I want to sleep.
I am getting old.
But it is still good, to be among those you love. Good to see your friends and family grow. To see God work in people's hearts, my own included. I love that it's not 118 stinking derees outside. And I will always love sweet tea.
My blog has dropped to page rank 3 again. I enjoyed the rarified air of rank 4 while it lasted....sigh
Who can explain the inner workings of the power that is Google?
You would think once we left high school we would have left jealousy behind. It is such an immature emotion. Another’s good fortune or success doesn’t deny us the opportunity to benefit in similar way. I am surprised to find myself dancing with the green eyed monster again. The dance has been a progression I didn’t recognize at first. Catty remarks to a friend who is more financially secure than I as he commented (alright he was complaining) about civil servants in his area desiring higher pay. An aquentence getting published on a blog I would give my eye teeth to be recognized by. What brought the dance to my attention and forced me to admit I was jealous is a family member who has messed up and has been rescued and hasn’t had to make any restitution for what happened. It is like that member got a free pass and if I had done the same thing I would have been nailed. “It’s not fair” whispers the green eyed monster. “It’s not fair “I parrot back as it leads my steps in the jealousy dance
I sound like the older brother in the parable of the Prodigal Son.
Jealousy is one of those sins that once recognized as long as it is not fed, (what monster is going to leave as long as you feed it?) it is easy to stop dancing with.
Instead of dancing with jealousy I am choosing to walk.
16 I say then: Walk in the Spirit, and you shall not fulfill the lust of the flesh. Gal 5 NKJV
16-18My counsel is this: Live freely, animated and motivated by God's Spirit. Then you won't feed the compulsions of selfishness. For there is a root of sinful self-interest in us that is at odds with a free spirit, just as the free spirit is incompatible with selfishness. These two ways of life are antithetical, so that you cannot live at times one way and at times another way according to how you feel on any given day. Why don't you choose to be led by the Spirit and so escape the erratic compulsions of a law-dominated existence? Gal 5 The Message
“Thank you Lord you did not give me fair but mercy and grace” I whisper as I walk, following after Him.
Talk about a product that needs a name update. When my kids were little a stroller was aptly named. One strolled at a reasonable pace, the child strapped around the waist if you could find the strap.
Now, strollers are the SUVs of the sidewalk. They are made of high impact plastic with tires that could transverse a desert if need be. I see way more two seater strollers than one seaters even if there is just one child occupying the high speed vehicle.
That is the biggest change I encounter with strollers when walking the dog. Those babies move fast, propelled through time and space by athletic human engines. The stroller propellers are usually female during the days but by my observation, they are more often male in the evenings and on weekends. The children are strapped in as if to pilot a fighter plane. Some of them even have little helmets on.
I have yet to see a crying, bored, unhappy child fly by as the dog and I adroitly move out of the way.
If there is a bump in motorcycle sales in about 18 years, I for one will not be surprised.